Why Do Men Pull Away?
Why Do Men Pull Away?
And how you might capitalize on his strong need for commitment...
Maggie was perplexed. Rick had completely wowed her on their first two dates. No man had ever labored so hard to win her over.
And she was impressed. He was alert, courteous, kind, and involved.
But just when she thought she'd fallen for him...poof. He backed out.
Their roles had now been flipped. She had worked all night to attract his attention.
Why does your boyfriend behave in this manner? Why do men exclude women?
Certainly, not every man withdraws as things begin to heat up, but many do.
Enough so, that this is a frequently asked subject among the women I deal with as a dating and relationship coach.
Guys come on hard, chasing with enough passion to make Romeo envious, but once they have Juliet's attention, it's game over.
What's going on?
Dating is a difficult endeavor. Yes, it's exhilarating and wonderful, but it's also nerve-racking. It's all about the chase at first. He's vying for your attention, and you're debating if he's worth it.
That's the point in every romantic relationship when both individuals are so focused on the goal that they're not thinking about what's next.
And so the pursuit reverses
You decide you like him, and he needs to start thinking about a real, serious relationship now that he has your attention. Is he interested?
He most certainly is, otherwise, he wouldn't be pursuing you!
But desiring it and being brave enough to go for it are two very different things.
So, what should a girl do?
So, first and foremost, let me tell you what you should NOT do.
Avoid these two common mistakes
First and foremost, don't think it's about you. It most likely isn't. He was interested in you before you realized you were interested in him. He's still attracted to you.
Second, don't put pressure on him. This is where many advice articles get it wrong. They often advise you to play "hard to get" or anything along those lines.
Instead, express your interest in him.
Do it in ways that do not suffocate or press. (Sending text messages every hour on the hour, for example, may be excessive.)
Why do males withdraw and exclude women at this stage of a relationship? Because he's a bit scared. He is concerned about giving up his freedom of choice.
Don't change; continue to be the lady he fell in love with.
During the pursuit phase, he is motivated by desire. His motive transforms as soon as he learns this may be something serious.
Suddenly, he's thinking about the various possibilities he'll forego and the lifestyle adjustments he'll make.
(Many men have an unfounded concern that if they commit to a woman, all of their activities would become feminized.)
You don't have to adjust your behavior while he's behaving this way. When he seems distant, your best strategy is to look relaxed and at ease.
Be the lady with whom he fell in love (carefree, confident, and available).
Don't freak out because it will scare him out. Demanding his attention will drive him away. And don't freak out because he's discovered some deadly defect in you.
Because that mental process will put you in a negative state of mind, which is not appealing.
Always expect the best
He chased you for the first several dates, believing you'd fall for him. He's been known to go out on a limb before.
It's now your turn. Allow him enough room to feel at ease while yet expressing your interest.
Any man who genuinely wants a mature, genuine relationship will come around once he realizes there is nothing to be frightened of.
And any man who isn't ready for a serious relationship isn't the catch you thought he was!
Now, before you go into "waiting mode," I would like to provide a quick way to bring him back and renew his ardent desire.
There's nothing wrong with being patient, but if you want to see your relationship evolve, here's what I propose you do next...
Try this when he shuts you out...
According to polls, men would rather be respected than loved. It's built into our DNA.
We have an illogical need to gain your respect in order to be worthy of your affection.
Now, as a male dating coach who typically works with women, I understand how absurd this may seem to you. But it is correct.
It's one of the few "secrets" that may really provide you with an unfair edge with guys.
Here's how this information may be put to use.
If you can harness a man's genuine desire to win your respect in the appropriate ways, he will go out of his way to help you.
And the more he does this, the more likely he is to imagine himself in a long-term committed relationship with you.
And what is his preferred method of gaining your respect?
He wants to be heroic. He wants to help you solve difficulties, come to your rescue, and be helpful.
It's not particularly romantic, but it's ingrained in his DNA.
That's why I've created a video that explains this phenomenon in further detail, so you can tap into his hero instinct whenever you want, even if he's presently begging for space.
Click here immediately to claim this strategy before you forget and lose out on the chance to change your luck with guys.
References:
Harry's Masculinity Report 2018 s3.amazonaws.com/harrys-cdnx-prod/manual/Harry%27s+Masculinity+Report%2C+USA+2018.pdf - Men are happiest when a part of something where they feel needed and valued.
Anderson, Cameron & Hildreth, John & Howland, Laura. (2015). Is the Desire for Status a Fundamental Human Motive? A Review of the Empirical Literature. Psychological bulletin. 141. 10.1037/a0038781. - Male need for respect.
Gender Differences in Implicit Self-Esteem Following a Romantic Partner's Success or Failure," Kate A. Ratliff, PhD, University of Florida, and Shigehiro Oishi, PhD, University of Virginia; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, online Aug. 5, 2013. - Men have lower self-esteem when their partner succeeds and they fail (i.e. they don't feel needed/irreplaceable).
Canevello A, Crocker J. Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2010;99(1):78-106. doi:10.1037/a0018186 - Showing him you believe in him and he's the one for the job.
Reis HT, Lemay Jr EP, Finkenauer C. Toward understanding understanding: The importance of feeling understood in relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2017:11(3):e12308. doi:10.1111/spc3.12308 - You value his point of view and abilities.
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